“Jason pushed me and called me names when recess,” Your child says. But before he can answer, he whispers, “Don’t tell the teacher. I don’t want to cause him trouble.”
It is a familiar dilemma for many parents: your child is upset, but the person who hurts him is not just any child – it is his own friend. It makes you very complicated.
How do you help your child navigate in friendship Does it sometimes look like a battlefield? How do you protect without exceeding? What if Jason is not really a “intimate” but just a child making mistakes?
Understanding intimidation with friends
We tend to think of intimidation As a clear problem: one child is mean, the other suffers from it. But friendships can complete these waters. Psychologists define intimidation as intentional, repetitive behavior and implies a power imbalance. But among young children, especially at the start of primary school – it is not always black and white.
A second student could continue and push a classmate every day to recess, thinking that it is a fun game, while the other child feels humiliated. A child could call a friend’s name, without realizing that he has crossed a line. Children do not always recognize their own actions as intimidation, but that does not mean that it does not happen. Even when the damage is not intentional, the effects on the victim may be serious. It is important to equip your child with trust and the skills to be defined boundaries Alone and let them know that they do not have to tolerate ill -treatment – even a friend.
Coach your child to defend yourself
Many children do not know how to defend themselves effectively. Some become aggressive, while others stop. Help your child practice firm but respectful answers:
- Instead of:: “Stop that, you are so mean!”
- To try:: “I don’t like it. Stop.”
- Instead of:: “You are so boring, leave me alone!”
- To try:: “I don’t think it’s funny. Stop.”
The use of “I” and a calm but firm statements helps children express limits without increasing the situation.
Corporal language
The delivery of the message is sometimes as important as what is said. Teach your child to:
- Stand up with shoulders back.
- Establish visual contact.
- Use a loud and stable voice.
Intimidators – Yes, even Friends -Bullies – are less likely to persist when their target projects confidence.
The power to move away
Sometimes the best strategy is to withdraw entirely. Teaching your child to get away from ill -treatment is not weakness – it is self -respect.
For example:
- If Jason continues to tease after being invited to stop, you can leave the game.
- If Jason continues to push on the playing field, you can head to a teacher or another group of children.
Sometimes the simple fact of withdrawing the public has the behavior stopped.
Recognize when a friendship is not worth it
One of the most difficult lessons that children learn is that real friends do not feel them small. If continuous intimidation despite setting limits, help your child think:
- “Do you feel happy or nervous with Jason?”
- “Do you feel like you can be yourself?”
- “What kind of friends do you feel good?”
These questions help children to recognize when a friendship is toxic and to allow them to move away if necessary.
When to involve teachers (and how to do it correctly)
If your child has tried to defend himself but the behavior continues, it’s time to complete with a teacher.
But here is the challenge: many children fear The social consequences of telling an adult. They don’t want to be labeled as a “snitch” or risk losing a friend.
This is why you are approaching the teacher counts.
Instead of making a dramatic report, try a discreet collaborative approach. You might say:
“I wanted to share that my child feels uncomfortable with certain recent behaviors of his friend. We would appreciate if it could be managed in private, because he is worried about the social impact.”
This gives the teacher the space to intervene without making your child a target.
For teachers: approach behavior without shame
Teachers play a crucial role in training how these situations take place. When they are well managed, the two children can learn and grow – without humiliation. Over the years, I have observed a masterful manipulation of the teachers of my children, which has had a lasting impact. But not all teachers do things correctly. A little on discipline and create shameWhile others reject worries, letting the child feel helpless. The best interventions are private, thoughtful and focused on the construction of empathy rather than punishment. Instead of facing the child publicly, a teacher could withdraw and say:
“I noticed that you were teasing a friend in the recess. Sometimes the jokes can go too far and hurt others, even if it was not your intention. How do you think your friend could have felt?”
This invites reflection rather than defensive. It also protects the victim from feeling as “told” their friend.
Facilitate repair – without forced apologies
Once the behavior is addressed, the emphasis is placed on the repair of the relationship – if the two children want.
What works
Instead of forced public apology, give children a chance to naturally rebuild confidence. A teacher could say:
“Jason, if you want to do things, maybe you could invite Alex to join your game tomorrow.”
This allows real acts of kindness rather than a scripted excuse that does not mean much.
What to avoid
Avoid apologies from the forced public. They often make the victim uncomfortable, feel non -sincere and rarely lead to a real change.
Instead, let the child decide when and how he wants apologize::
“If you are ready, you could tell Alex that you did not want to hurt his feelings. You could say:” I’m sorry if I bored you – I didn’t want to say that it comes out that way. “”
This maintains the authentic interaction and in the terms of the child.
What if my child is that of intimidation?
It can be difficult to hear that your child was mean for a friend. But the way you answer is important. Instead of reacting with shame or denialUse it as a learning moment.
- Stay calm and listen: Ask, “Can you tell me what happened?”
- Help them understand the impact: “How do you think your friend felt?”
- Encourage reparation: “What could you do to do things correctly?”
Let your child know that making a mistake does not make them a bad person, but the way they géra is important.
A path of hope to follow
The intimidation between friends is delicate, but that should not mean the end of friendship. With the right support, children can learn to defend themselves, to repair relationships and to recognize when a dynamic is toxic and to move away. And although it is painful to see our children take up these challenges, remember that learning and growth come from these difficult and disorderly moments.
