When memories collide Psychology today

In my practice, this is a sticky point that appears over and over again when working with nervous husbands. Two people remember the same experience – dinner, spitting, vacation – with radically different views.

The nervous wife (NT) may say, “She didn’t even think about asking me what you wanted for dinner.”

The husband responds to the autistic spectrum (ASD), “What? I thought I did and said,” Get power, “and this is what I did!”

“I didn’t want a salad, I wanted to soup tonight. The atmosphere is very cold, something warm was nice.”

Does this exchange seem familiar to you? Does the husband say the truth or his wife? Or did she actually say “soup” and heard “authority”? For both of them, this confusing position can feel intended, “crazy” – like being in the “twilight”. Even if the wife feels accustomed to the idea that this type of things often happens, she may still feel gossip and betrayal. On the other hand, the husband may feel that his wife has gone out to obtain it, and to sabotage his efforts towards satisfying her.

Why does this happen?
These types of exchanges are a reflection of the differences in the ASD -NT brain, especially how lonely The brains of NT understand the elements of what is happening around them and the coding of memories of the specific accident.

NT’s wife may see that all the people around them saved their husband ASD, see the events a lot in the way they do. But when it comes to their husband ASD, they feel as if they were in the twilight area. It seems that he lives in an alternative fact, misunderstood what happened, attributes negativity to the accident, and then blames it for the conflict. He just does not get it! It seems that everyone understands her – except for her autism husband.

But what is looking for NT wife as denial or Tampering Or rewriting the past may be really the interpretation of ASD’s pair of events because they believe it is true.

ASD husband feels the same way as his wife NT. It seems that everyone understands him – except for his wife NT. He loves his wife. He feels that he does everything in his power to make her happy. He works hard to work to provide them and their children with a good life. He certainly does not play or make stories to make them wrong.

Why does this happen – over and over again – in their relationship?

What is it Context blindness?
One reason for this separation in memory It is something known as blindness. This means that the ASD husband has difficulty understanding the context of the big image, such as allergies that come with the event-in this case-in the context:

• Season,
• Dinner or lunch timing,
• His wife’s general feelings about her Alertand
• How to memory how/when you prefer power soup,
• When was the last time she had authority,
• Or what is the context that you love some foods in …

Basically, the type of information that depends on learning the details constantly depends and memorizing it about an individual partner – that may come naturally to his wife NT.

If all these questions are asked about her husband’s food preferences, she will not have a problem in knowing what exact food he asks. It is likely to be able to get rid of what his general diet has been in the past few days, and his seasonal and dinner preferences – each of which could not respond similarly.

Instead, the ASD husband may install details, like his wife usually loves a certain type of salad – but does not keep other information that gives a context of this preference. One details about power becomes the complete reason behind her authority’s request and believed that she said power. It was somewhat focused on these details, which put all other information in the background.

For repetition, ASD partner was not based on his wife’s food order on a pie of information such as:

• What I have eaten recently or what its diet was in the past few days
• Whether lunch or dinner and the type of food you usually prefer at that time
• What is the season and how can this affect its food preferences
• Her general feelings about the authorities in exchange for soup in this particular preparation
• Whether it really says the “authority” or if it is assumed based on the past behavior
• Whether it is eager to something warm or light, and that it is not announced
• Any auditory treatment problems have affected hearing what she already said
• The differences in the expressive language and what is not mentioned directly
• Time and context of conversation when discussing the food matter

Then from this pie chart, one must distinguish the most important part of that moment to take the right decision completely – or ask his wife explicitly what she wants for dinner and make sure this information is transferred. But because of the issues of expressive language related to his unification, he may think he asked her something, but in reality he did not.

Various ways to store our cheerful brains
NT wife expects her husband will recover all the slices/contextual information in the pie, just as she does. But as I mentioned before, an autism husband has a tendency to focus on one details – and the loss of the other path.

It is good with specific details, able to focus on things one by one, but it is unable to adhere to the largest image and memories of their wife’s food preferences – which may have been received throughout the contract that they were together – but somehow did not do it, and he may never do it.

Or the moment he tries to store more information about his wife’s nutritional preferences, his brain may download other information related to a mistake in another context related to their relationship. Therefore, it may not be wireless to hold all the contextual information in his brain.

It may be sad for NT’s wife that her ASD partner does not understand how to do something simple like asking for the right food for her at the right time. You may even know that it is not related to bad intentions. But the truth is that it is left with disappointment and a feeling alone – like her partner does not even know what food he asks for her.

The blind elephants and men
Like the old proverb of blind men and elephants, where each of the five men feel a different part of the elephant – the trunk, leg and tail – and it is believed that this is the main part. But each of them is possessing only one piece of a much larger image.

The ASD husband may not see the whole elephant. But if he understands this, he may not argue his point of view and perhaps Apologize It has not to know what she loves in her diet.