You are not the thought you think about

In the mid -twenties of my age, I was a goal for his colleague’s “average girl” behavior. It could not be explained. Maybe you resented attention I received, or perhaps provoked before the external indifference is apparently indifferent to its hostility. Ha bullying It was eroded. One reaction can darken my mood and raises negative thoughts that escalate after a long time.

But one day, all of this changed. She reached an event, an invitation on hand, to find it stationed at the registration table. I refused to allow me to enter. Decreased, tears of Welling, turned to departure. But the exchange did not pass without anyone noticing. A person with the authority of her behavior has seen and interfered, wrapped an arm around my shoulder and put me inside. That woman did not only save my Emsey. I became a girlfriend, which generously guarantees that I was included in future events and treated her with respect.

I finally came to see bullying as a dark gift, a gift that taught me deep lessons about Steadfastness And a simple fact: happy people do not make their pain. I came to see her with mercy and I now see that the behavior of the medium girl as an expression of insecurity. If you see that former colleague today, I would like to say: “Your behavior was painful, but it has become an incentive for growth. He opened doors to friendships and experiences that I did not find. Grateful“

I can have ideas from the victim in a backpack that weighs me. Instead, I chose to reformulate the experiment. It was a strong reminder: We cannot control what is happening to us, but we can choose how to bear the experience in our heart and mind. Do not reformulate bad behavior, but it releases us from being exposed to it. When we re -interpret pain through a lens of growth and understanding, we recover our strength.

Your thoughts carry an extraordinary power. John Milton seized this timeless fact I lost heaven When he wrote, “The mind is its own place, and in itself it can make a hell of hell, hell from Heav’n.” Modern psychology agrees that our thoughts do not reflect reality; Instead, they form it.

Psychologists know that misery does not necessarily stem what happened to us, but from the sound in our head tells us what it means. Your thoughts can provoke life for balance, clarity and vitality, and nourish your existence where they flourish … or they can pull you into emotional rings FearfulAnd resentment and despair, which leaves you. Choose what you think is a reality.

Studies indicate that individuals who practice cognitive evaluation, which includes changing how to interpret events to change their emotional impact, face greater positive feelings, improve social performance, and levels less than depression. It can be a change of life.

Art of reformulation

This is the art and science of re -formation. Just as I reformulate the bullying I endured, and mining for the lessons learned, you can also reformulate anything. Below are two questions that change life to ask them when your feelings fade:

What is the thought that drives this feeling? Does this thought serve me?

Suppose you are talking about an event and inspected the thinking train, and escape your words. Feel insulting and insufficient. shame It overwhelms you.

Here’s how to reformulate:

Note the thought: Instead of saying “I am insulting”, say, “I am facing Thought I am insulting. ”This realizes that this is the thought, not the event, which causes you pain.

Ask: Does this thought serve me or hurt me? Most negative thoughts are punished and useless.

Thought reformulation: Ask: What did you learn from these hiccups? What do I advise a friend in this situation? Remember yourself that everyone stumbles and that the little failure makes you a better speaker. The failures do not specify you.

Achieved new idea: I have learned how to prevent this from repetition in the future and I will be more ready next time. Acknowledging this growth feels satisfied and builds trust.

Years ago, a colleague told me that she was expelled from her job due to restructuring. I was surprised that she had informed me without a trace PassionAnd with ignoring her shoulders. “I learned a lot there and I apply for jobs, I will not be eligible for her if I did not stop this position.” She brilliantly reformulated emotional distress by replacing the thought of failure as a positive axis in it Professional life path.

Exercise to try it: Think about a modern moment that left you as harm, frustration or embarrassment.

• Write what happened.

• Determine the thought that followed.

• Ask yourself: Is this thought useful?

• Revolution: What may be another way to see the situation? How did this experience help your growth and understanding?

Your mind is a meaningful machine. It is necessary to admit that the most difficult of your moments can become hinges that swing your thoughts towards you wisdom And strength, indicating the doors that are waiting for it. The next time you feel sad, overwroughtAngry, or disappointed, ask yourself: What is the other way to tell this story?