Why you’re always late and how to help

I was late to my party, literally. My thirtieth birthday. My friends and family had already ordered drinks, prepared several baskets of chips and salsa, and tried to hide their annoyance from the very exhausted birthday girl as she rushed in.

Tardiness is a common problem and is often confused with ethics or character. “You’ll be on time if you care,” or “You’re unprofessional for showing up late,” may be the phrases we hear late, reflecting the assumption that our arrival time reflects our personal values. I’m here to challenge that idea. Showing up on time, or even early, does not necessarily mean that you are a more virtuous person, nor does being late indicate the opposite. Executive function needs are often the reasons you fall behind, and this is great news, as each of these can be developed or given a supporting strategy.

Let’s explore three common causes of delay and ways we can boost executive function around them:

1) You don’t plan your entire “getting ready” schedule. You have a morning routine or getting ready routine, but you may not know how long each step takes. You may think, “All I have to do is get dressed,” signaling to your brain that you’ll need maybe five minutes, when in reality the process involves finding clothes, making sure they match and aren’t (too) wrinkled, and finding socks, shoes, and maybe a matching belt. If these items don’t have “waiting spots” in your home, you’ll find yourself using “dressing time” as an exciting treasure hunt. You may also lack time recognition or structure for other steps, such as packing your bag for the day or taking a shower, which means you’re actually surprised when these tasks take a long time.

How to help: Set a reminder to spend ten minutes the night before helping your future self. This might look like picking out (or taking or ironing) your clothes, pre-packing your bag (a great hack is to charge your device while it’s in your bag), or putting away items you’ll need for your morning routine, like medication or a cup of coffee.

Next, challenge yourself to schedule how long your tasks will take by writing quick notes as you prepare, over the course of several days. This could look like “Making coffee 6-620; Drinking coffee and preparing breakfast 620-640; Eating breakfast while reading the news 640-710” and so on. You’re taking data about your tasks and how long they’re taking, and you might be surprised by some things: you might be doing tasks you didn’t realize you were doing (like playing with the cats or taking several minutes to decide on breakfast), tasks might be taking much longer than you imagined, and, unfortunately, you might also be feeling resistant and self-judgmental when you see your schedule on paper. Try to think of this exercise as a way to support yourself through observation rather than judgment. You watch the view so you know how to plan an easier morning next week.

After completing your tasks and general time estimates, consider planning your morning backwards. Start when you need to leave the house, and plan each task, estimating its time, backwards from there. This will give you a wake-up time and a general timeline for when to start each step of your getting ready routine. Pro tip: Don’t leave it “just to remember.” It’s important to leave your preparation plan, with steps and times, in several places, so you have a reference to keep you on track.

2) Leave no buffer time for errors or traffic. I mean the old Murphy’s Law, which states that anything that can go wrong, will go wrong, often applies during our tight times. You’ve spilled yourself, your garage door won’t open, your pet has been in an accident, and you’re already approaching the last minute when you can leave safely and arrive on time. Then, there’s the traffic. Having a plan that leaves out time for life’s inevitable bumps can also lead to delays.

How to help: Since you have already planned your getting ready routine and have an idea of ​​what time you have to leave to arrive on time, back up your schedule by fifteen minutes. This is usually enough time to allow for life’s typical bumps. If this means that some days you’re early for work or an event, you can decide how you want to spend the early time, perhaps as a reward for yourself. Can you set a timer and immerse yourself in a book, a show, or bird watching? Can you use the time to breathe, stretch, or move in a way that makes you feel grounded?

If you notice patterns of challenges that seem to crop up, spills or car problems, for example, it may also be helpful to adjust your routine or invest in solutions. I no longer eat breakfast in my work clothes, so if I spill it I just put it on my pajamas or something comfortable to wear before going out. When our car was behaving really badly, we decided to address it instead of playing roulette a few times a month.

3) You don’t have a fixed way of seeing or feeling the time while you’re getting ready. Not every mind senses the passage of time, and we’ve all had the experience of feeling like time flies by in relation to an activity: it speeds up when we’re engaging in fun and slows down when we’re doing it. boring Or hard work. Knowing that time is not something that the human mind monitors well, you may be late because you are not aware of the passage of time. You intend to jump in the shower for five minutes and get out after twenty minutes. You get really engrossed in reading an article while eating breakfast and look up to see that you’ve been lost for half an hour.

How to help: Make time tangible and visible. Place a clock in every room, and choose digital or analogue depending on what your brain responds to best. If you know there are tasks that seem to engage you deeply and make time particularly unclear, like taking a shower or watching the news, set a timer to stay on track. The Timetimer brand has many great clocks that help you see the passage of time through colorful blocks that move with the seconds. Phone timers or even asking your smart home device to remind you are great supports too.

for you Ethics It is not related to being on time; You are a wonderful person whether you are late or not. However, the real world has real consequences for being late, and it’s worth the effort to enhance your abilities Executive functions. With these strategies, you’ll find yourself spending more time and feeling more in control.