Why does your friend always have to “fix” your story

Do not hate that when you are with a friend and you are interested in a great experience that you enjoyed or complain about an event that makes you seriously and expects to hear SympathyOr at least verify validation, response and your friend with a statement similar to a complete counter -image of what you just participated? Or do they quickly point to an opening in your story, or a mistake in calling you, or something else that does not really change the meaning of what you share or in the validity of your experience? One of the basic rules Friendship It is the support of each other.

Why do we need to check the health of friends?

One of the basic friendship functions is to provide us with self -verification (Fehr & Harasymchuk, 2018), which means that we are looking for friends to encourage us and confirm our value. We need to verify the validity of everything we feel, happy, sad, afraid, or angry, is another way completely and a feeling of belonging from among others. We must be part of a society and when our feelings are validated, we feel vision and hear.

Why do some friends refuse to check our health?

Seriously, when it comes to friends who always contradict you or correct you, “they are not you.” The insecurity that leads their very disturbing need may be always right. The need to obtain the last word may reflect the need to show its value by “adding” the conversation by reducing your contributions or correcting them. For others, the ego’s journey to refer to things like unfavorable weather forecast can be planned or to mention that the wonderful new thing that I just bought is offered for sale for half the price that I paid a week ago.

In other cases, people may have arisen in homes where this type of verbal exchange was natural, for good or bad. Whether it is a friendly joke, dinner time discussions, or vital dinner discussions, the correction or challenge of others was an acceptable conversation behavior.

When your friend is more than “spoiler”

While there are some people who are always joyful and optimistic, there are also people who are driven to play the role of “spoiler”. Whether they want to demolish what you are building or building what you just destroyed or as a holes in telling your story to make it more “honest”, some friends are unable to either listen and verify the health or stay silent and do not provide any criticism or corrections.

A person may want to get the last word or add controversy for the same controversy. Family dynamics from childhood You can also play a role in how a person shares with friends as an adult – if discussion discussions and loud time are part of his early life, they may continue these practices in adulthood. Other people seem to be “followed” to anyone else in the room, and this is often a low symptom Self -respect. and Jealousy What causes your friend to contradict anything you say. Whether it is a defect in the personality or Social learning At work, these friends can try. However, sometimes, friends do not realize what they do – especially when behavior is like a Defense mechanism Or a way to protect their feelings.

How to encourage friends to vote for your fears

Whether it’s annoying a personality Quirk, usually badly that they do not want vibration, or one of the symptoms of low self -esteem, NarcissismOr self -awareness, can deal with “obscene” exhausted. If someone’s behavior prevents you from enjoying his company, it is up to you to determine whether it is worth talking about it, learning to ignore it and let it go, or to retreat from friendship.

When you feel that you are at the point of collapse with the behavior of a friend and friendship is something you do not want to sacrifice, the nice work that you can take is to put your fears. If the “friend” is not ready to hear and prepare to cut you out of his life because you start a real and honest discussion, the friendship may be based on a connection less than just comfort.

If you appreciate friendship and a friend said.Hi, I need to share some comments with you about something that bother me a little,“I will definitely allocate time to listen. Here are some ways to deal with this type of conversation:

• at present: If a friend jumps to your contradiction after sharing something that you found fun or disappointing, he responded to his contradictory statement with something like. ”Wow, you are often like these different destinations about things. What do you think of that?“Or,”Stand up, sometimes it seems that you just want to search for ways to correct me. Where does this come from?“
• As a later way: Sometimes, it may be better to ask a question after the cooling period. You may only share an assessment of your feelings about their contradictory behavior by saying something like, “As you know, yesterday when I was talking about X’s plans, I felt a little when I was very negative about X and what I am excited to do.“
• In a planned discussion: A friend can demand time to get a heart to the heart of an effective way to make a difficult topic. The invitation may be something like “,”Hello, I really appreciate our friendship, but there is something I would like to chat with you about this is important to me“
• Be open and honestBeginning of the conversation with honest feelings and the use of “I-Statements” can always help get a discussion on its feet. “I feel that when I share my thoughts or share something that happened to me, my opinion or story is chosen. Sometimes I feel that I cannot trust my appreciation and make me hesitant to share my thoughts or feelings when I am with you. I also wonder if I am able as a friend.“
• One to the bottomStart the planned discussion by admitting your awareness that you have your own disadvantages that may bother others. “As you know, I bet that I am very angry with friends because they do not happen/the tendency until I am late/hesitated to try things/etc.“This can even help the play field in conversation and then move to a possible” sensitive topic “.