Why do compliments make me feel uncomfortable?

Compliments are as normal as they can be terrifying. Some frantically try them while they fend off another. We have learned that we need to love ourselves and find solace within ourselves Self-portraitwhile we are also told that others often know us better than we know ourselves. For those susceptible to Distrustwho are not only sarcastic, but also… Self-hatredBoth options may seem impossible, so far-fetched that one may treat them with disdain, rejecting them to hide one’s deepest needs and fears.

While we all need approval and even admiration to some degree, some struggle to make peace with those needs, judging themselves for their seemingly excessive nature. So, they use perfectionism, which can be considered a survival strategy, to cope. Perfectionism is a highly individual pursuit. It is the paradoxical belief that although one is fundamentally flawed, one is able to overcome one’s nature through strategic effort. This system can be considered a form of Magical thinking Because (a) both beliefs are largely unfounded, meaning that the logic behind them is flimsy while appearing somewhat superficial, and (b) the feeling of arrival or victory or whatever is based solely on hope, as one cannot tell you what that constitutes or how one gets there specifically.

On the one hand, a person believes that he can and should prove his worth to himself, and on the other hand, he expects the world to provide him with evidence. So, as you can imagine, this foundation contributes to the push/pull and love/hate relationship with compliments. They hate how much they need them, are ashamed of being affected by them, find their inability to find merit in themselves unbearable, and keep reminding themselves that it will all be fixed one day. All of this is a form of avoidance, an unwillingness to try to understand one’s life and place in the world, and thus make more meaningful or considered choices.

Perfectionism is future-oriented, and carries the implicit excuse that one can keep moving because it will eventually make sense. The idea that we should put our heads down and act, without deeper thought, is a very existential one, and is prominent in many religions. Just as questions about the meaning of life tend to frighten the general public, questions about who a person is and their innate worth frighten the perfectionist. They may be easily moved by compliments. It may mean much less to the giver than to the recipient. We often praise others impulsively; Sharing our thoughts is an easy way to do good. yet, Perfectionwho often remain confused and stubborn, struggling to understand it.

“Is this person He lies For me?” “What do they want from me?” “If I’ve been wrong about myself all this time, have I wasted my life?” “Am I just a coward?” “What if they’re just being nice and I feel stupid for believing them?” “What if I’m stupid for not believing them?” “What if I’m just a miserable person?” Some perfectionists will mused, arguing that they’re just using a strategy called “defensiveness.” croak“, and maintain their Self esteem Low as a way to motivate themselves to perform better. Arnold Schwarzenegger famously used a similar argument when he mentioned this, after winning the bodybuilding championship a raceHe focused on all his physical flaws while staring at himself in the mirror, expose The same for everyone, no matter how trivial. He said he used this strategy as a way to avoid complacency. This type of argument presents a thin veneer of control, making it seem as if much of the obsession is entirely in one’s hands.

However, in reality, most perfectionists struggle to feel Upbeat Or even to have a considered perspective on reality; They don’t seem to like themselves or anything about themselves at all. Pessimism comes so naturally to them that it would be laughable to call “defensive pessimism” a strategy (at least here) – it is a way of life that depends largely on… He is afraidAnd not just complacency. Compliments mean responsibilities, limitations, needs, and even weaknesses. It makes some of us very uncomfortable, largely because it communicates to us the need to understand ourselves in order to understand our lives, and meet our needs. However, if you want to be the best in some or even all areas, compliments may mean that you are not. If you fear rejection and/or loss, compliments can mean missed opportunities, and it’s often easier to tell ourselves that failure is inevitable. If you’re afraid of being offended, a compliment might mean weakness, thinking, “I won’t allow myself to end up feeling stupid for believing that.”

So, it makes sense that perfectionism is about focusing on the future. You can keep telling yourself to put your head down and work. Many of us are deeply afraid of knowing ourselves, largely because our vulnerabilities and limitations make us feel needed, out of control, and, most importantly, dependent. But fundamentally, both are true: we need to learn to love, or at least make peace with ourselves, while seeking the opinions of others and accepting at least some of their praise (of course, as well as their critical comments). This means placing the burden of proof on us, holding ourselves responsible for understanding the evidence and tolerating ambiguity.

Calling one’s inability to incorporate compliments “defensive pessimism” is tantamount to resignation, and almost always ends in profound remorse. It is true that the more sensitive you are, the more you rely on reassurance. Instead of pushing her away, it may be helpful to reconsider your perspective on her. Are empathy and compassion the same thing? Can one consider you as an equal while also acknowledging your sensitivities? Can you accept a compliment without always looking at another dropped shoe?