When sex addiction is not, but sexual diversity

In my sexual therapy, I see a respectable number of husbands in relations between two different sexes where the issue of presentation is that the male partner was participating in sexual behavior with other men and kept this secret from his girlfriend or wife … until he is no longer a secret. It goes without saying, by the time when these husbands come to see me, their relationship to a deep crisis. I would like to address some of the common issues faced by these husbands.

As often with the general public, some of these husbands do not know how to distinguish mental health providers who are skilled in this work versus those who are not. In more than one situation, these customers often find me after Seeing at least one or two of the other healers, as it became clear to them that the therapist was not adequately trained how to help them. In addition, many husbands diagnose a male partner as a sex addict. Some of my clients are usually referred to the individual healers of customers, who understand these couples need a skilled couples who are trained in the work of husbands and human beings Sexual activity.

In more than one scenario, due to the self -diagnosis of the customer, the individual processor for a male customer encouraged him to go to 12 -step meetings for sex addicts; These men have begun to do so. This is annoying and collide for several reasons. It must be said that regardless of the context of the relationship, The same sex sexual attractiveness Sex activity of the same sex is not sex addiction.

Regardless of what some cultures and societies say, there is nothing essentially wrong with a man who wants to have sex with another man, even when this man is in a relationship of two different sexes. This indicates that he goes to Sex addiction Poilizers support groups weaken his sexual appeal for men and provide external verification of its depth shame About this attraction. This unsweetened recommendation can cause psychological harm, which adds to a actually complex clinical image. (In a related note, I wrote about How my profession has its shameful history of obtaining a blind point when it comes to seeing the role Ethics He plays in determining mental health and sexual health, and this “proposal” is an ideal example.)

The proposal to attend the boundaries of the groups based to 12 steps on persecution. Why? Because when we shorten men to allow them only with sexual expression, it is appropriate for a tight box, it encourages MatchingHe denies the natural contrast that has been scientifically proven in human sexual life, leads to the suppression of individual sexual development, and causes psychological harm. I wrote about exciting interests In a previous blog, I encourage you to read it here, as much of what I wrote to some of these types of customers.

In addition, keeping the secrets from and/or He lies Your partner also does not make you addicted. Many people keep all kinds of things from their partners and this is not related to any addiction. Just imagine if we called all these addicts! What exactly do they add to it? Eek. Maintaining secrecy is usually mired in shame, not addiction.

When we set aside the sexual issue (the attractiveness of sex and sex) and the relationship of (preserving secrecy) that these male clients have, what remains is a behavioral issue. Speaking in general now, I think that when people, especially doctors, use the term “sex addiction”, what they really refer to is compulsive behavior along with internal conflict in addition to the lack of a self -vision or understanding about forcing them.

After nearly two decades of doing this work, I saw countless customers who make options that create a truly complex sexual life for them (and their partners) without examining them. incentivize(S). The desire is raised within them and feels that they are forced to work on. It is more like itching that you need to scratch. They often have a bad vision, struggle to understand themselves, and they have bad linguistic skills to describe what they suffer from. It is also possible, but not always, either a problem with drug use and/or the non -diagnosed mental health problem. When all of this gathered with compulsion (which is strong to repeat some behaviors that seem to have negative consequences), many virtual people with laziness to use the word “addiction”.

There is an important question for all of us to look at when it comes to such situations. Instead of describing the customer as “addicted to sex”, ask yourself about the function of this defect. In other words, what is the secondary gain? The secondary gain is when someone does something that appears to be, outside, undermines or sabotaging himself. Yes, this may happen, and There is also a reason for their behavior. This is the secondary gain. The secondary gain is usually outside a person’s awareness and can only see the damage caused by themselves. This is the place Freud It was right: There are things that we do not know about ourselves until now that lead us to behave – Unconscious At work. Secondary gains are often a major component in Cartoic behaviors.

The other thing that I noticed in working with customers with compulsive sexual activity is difficult to understand some feelings. These male clients (mostly) are somewhat separate from their emotions. When I ask these men, “What Passion Will it come to you now? “They usually answer,” I don’t know. “This can be very painful, frightening and shameful. Psychotherapy.

It should also be noted that our culture has the so -called “compulsory opposite sex”, and this means that we assume that everyone is of two different sexes – and also pressure on them to be of two different sexes – so that it tells us that they are not. So, although you may think that those in the LGBTQ community+ are openly accepted, many of these men realize, as a result of psychotherapy, that they are not of two sexes exclusively different (think about the Kinzi scale) and come out of the stranger even after decades in a heterogeneous relationship. Not everyone understands their sexual, exciting, romantic or romantic orientations identity At the beginning (or even before) Teenager. For some, this process is for life. We need patience and mercy for them and their partners.

Sex addiction in men usually involves layers of sexual interests and self -exciting self -excitement; Preserving the secrets from a partner; Forced and impulsive due to poor self -awareness Self -regulation; drug; And other mental health issues (and possibly physical). As I said, it is a complex clinical image that is regularly simplified by many. People who struggle with this issue need skilled doctors who work from a human -focused model, not a pathology or a model based on shame, on the science of human race.

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