To be a man by being human

There has been a growing conversation about the pressures young people face today. Social isolationmy money pressureUncertainty about the future stresses many people depression, anxietyand suicide Among men it continues to rise. According to the National Institute of Mental Health, in 2023, the suicide rate among American males is about four times higher than the suicide rate among females. While the intensity of their struggle may seem new, the expectations placed on men are old.

For generations, masculinity has been defined by external markers: strength through dominance, respectability through frugality, and toughness through oppression. Passion. A study of more than 2,000 American men found that when people perceive a gap between who they feel they should be (according to societal standards) and who they are, “paradoxical stress” is linked to poor mental health and decreased life satisfaction.

Pitt and Fox coined the term “performative masculinity” to illustrate that being a man is not fixed or inherent, but something that men perform according to the context in which they are located. Masculinity becomes something you do, not something you simply are.

Along with the pressures to meet old standards, a new challenge has emerged: confusion. Men today are asked to be open, vulnerable, and show emotional availability. This shift is fueled by women who are truly seeking deeper, more emotional equality Intimacy In relationships and through a broader cultural awakening that questions the limits of strict traditional masculinity. While this development is necessary, many men find themselves unprepared, without role models or tools to deal with new expectations.

Looking for answers in all the wrong places

Some respond to confusion with performance. For example, the rise of “performative masculinity 2.0” involves men adopting specific aesthetics to be seen as sensitive, progressive, and cultured. They drink matcha, carry bags, and listen to female artists. By their own admission, traits are often adopted not out of genuine interest but through a desire for validation.

Others turn to religion Social media Altruists, or traditional stereotypes rooted in stoicism, control, and domination. But here’s the irony: trying to find authenticity By following someone else’s rule book, it draws men away from their true identity.

I remember one client who thought the only way to be attractive was to look intimidating, stoic, even a little creepy. However, at his core he was sensitive, creative and profound sympathetic. Living behind a persona that didn’t belong to him made him stressful, isolated, and insecure. ““It’s like I’m walking around wearing a mask that doesn’t fit me, but I’m never allowed to take it off,” he said.

The solution is not to choose a different mask, nor to master some performance of masculinity. It is daring to take off the mask and look in the mirror, to face yourself as you are, not just as you think you should be. This means returning to one basic truth: at your core, you are human. When we start from this foundation, the pressure begins to ease. We stop chasing the image and start defining ourselves by who we really are.

What does a return to this essence look like? Here are six ways to reconnect with our humanity and, in doing so, embody a more authentic masculinity.

Six ways to return to this essence

Be kind and compassionate, even when it’s hard
Kindness is often seen as soft, but it requires real strength. It is easy to be compassionate when life is calm. The test comes when we are tired, judged, or misunderstood. Choosing compassion in such moments means that we are strong enough not to allow pain or… He is afraid dictate our actions. It shows that we can stand in our humanity without asserting ourselves by controlling, dominating, or… Anger.
Take responsibility, not just credit
Anyone can celebrate success. The harder work is admitting mistakes, confronting the impact of our actions, making amends, and choosing to grow. Responsibility does not mean beating oneself or living in it shame. It means building character by confronting the impact of our actions, making amends, and choosing to grow. When we do this, we regain a sense of integrity and self-confidence.
Stay curious, not judgmental
Judgment is a quick and easy form of self-defense. When we judge, we avoid vulnerability, admit we don’t know something, or face the discomfort of being wrong. On the other hand, curiosity invites us to question rather than assume, to listen rather than fix, and to see from the other’s perspective. Curiosity does not weaken us, it refreshes us. It opens the door to connection, growth and lasting happiness.
Choose integrity over popularity
It is tempting to adapt, conform, and play the expected role. But when we mold ourselves to the expectations of others, we risk replacing our individuality with a fleeting sense of belonging. The more we follow, the more we forget how to live our lives, guided by authenticity rather than desirability. Integrity is the quiet voice inside us that reminds us of who we are and what we stand for. Choosing it sometimes means being uncomfortable, unpopular, or standing alone. But it also means that we can look at ourselves in the mirror knowing that we haven’t betrayed ourselves for approval. This is a deeper kind of power, one that does not require applause.
Practice attendance
In a culture that rewards doing over being, slowing down can be embarrassing. However, presence, the ability to be here, fully, in this moment, is one of the most powerful ways to connect with ourselves and with others. Being present means fully inhabiting the moment, even in silence, listening, or stillness. Whether we are sitting quietly with someone we love or walking in the woods, presence says, “This moment matters.” In such moments, we do not perform, but simply live.
Lead with love, not fear
Fear asks us to protect, control and control. It pushes us to prove our worth by being tougher, louder, and more dominant. Love asks us to connect, empower and uplift. Leading from fear is reactive. Leadership from love is courage. Choosing compassion, courage, and trust over insecurity and control does not negate power; It redefines it. When love guides our actions, we can be more present for others and feel at home with ourselves.

Different question

In the end, the question is not that What kind of man should I be? that it How can I be a good human being today? On this basis, masculinity is no longer just a performance. It becomes a true expression of our common humanity.