The “strong ground” of belonging

in How to train your dragon– 2010 animated film and 2025 live-action remake – A young Viking named Hiccup lives in a village whose value is equal to how much you can slay dragons.

But Hiccup is eccentric, curious, and terrible at fighting – everything his father and teammates would like him to change. However, as he begins to overcome the dragons, those who mocked him begin to welcome him. He starts to fit in, but he still doesn’t belong.

This story reminds me of today’s workplaces, where we often celebrate those who transition into the current culture and ignore those who bring something different.

This is a problem, as Brené Brown says in her new book Strong land. In this era of disruption and uncertainty, organizations must learn how to care for people and value them for who they are. This post explores some ways to do this.

Missing each other

Years ago, when I was working at the State Department, I helped organize a large event in Senegal. At the closing ceremony, the host government generously thanked and praised all the prominent figures. But I forgot to thank Danielle, our local councilor who made all of this possible.

By most measures, I did “the right thing.” command Stuff: You built a team that delivered a successful event and deepened our partnership with key stakeholders. But I failed as a leader because I didn’t make my team feel like they belonged.

The lesson was painful and clear: yes, salaries and Intrinsic motivation It’s important, but people need more. In the words of psychologist Dan Siegel: “We need to feel.”

“This is not the culture here.”

On the stretch Professional life It’s shown me in government how often large workplaces fail at this. We ask people to fit in rather than to belong. There is even a phrase that refers to this: “That’s not the culture here.”

Let me translate: “We sifted through dozens of resumes and hired you for your uniqueness. Now, please stop being unique.”

Even as a straight white man, I felt moments of not belonging. When I was working with a group of stakeholders at the White House, I was assigned to lead a weekly coordination meeting. I decided to add two minutes Mindfulness Before diving into a busy schedule. Then, my manager said pointedly, “You have to learn how to read a room.”

It wasn’t harsh. I think she was worried about the reaction of her boss, who was also present at that meeting. But it made me feel small, and that my uniqueness wasn’t unwelcome, it was problematic.

Relational leadership

In many organizations, we equate “good management” with the messy work of providing feedback. Managers certainly need to help their team understand the context and expectations.

But how you provide this feedback is important. Relational leadership, as explored by Brené Brown Strong landis about leading from a place of trust, empathy, and genuine care. This means providing feedback in a way that shows people they still matter, even if constructive feedback is needed. Favorite quote from the book: “Being a courageous leader means first being a loving human being.”

In my meeting example, my manager could have instead said: “I appreciate your willingness to bring a little slowness and communication into our meetings; that’s a great strength you bring to our team. Let’s think about how we can do this in a way that might be better.”

That would have opened the door to Trainingand learning and belonging rather than shutting it down.

4 New Moves for Relational Leaders

In today’s isolated world and workplace, belonging is something each of us can help others feel. Here’s how to get started:

1. From remorse to reform. No one expects leaders to always get it right. Instead of “I wish I had…”, try saying “Let me try again.” Fixing vulnerabilities builds trust faster than pretending it doesn’t happen.
2. From recognition to true appreciation. Recognition is about output. Appreciation notes how it was done. Don’t just say “good job”; Tell them why it’s important and their unique contribution to it.
3. From packed agendas to built-in buffers. Choose Save Space for Connection. If every minute was written down, there would be no room to hear about a colleague’s new baby, hobby, or… wise they. Getting to know each other is work.
4. From occasional to routine. Belonging is not something that happens off-site or during an icebreaker. It happens in the everyday moments when we choose to notice, include, and affirm each other. We can do this with the janitor, the intern, and our bosses.

The deeper impact of belonging

At the end How to train your dragon (Spoiler alert), there is no invasion of dragons. Instead, Hiccup’s compassion breaks the cycle of life He is afraid And violence through partnering with dragons to fight a common enemy. Not only was learning about Hiccup’s unique gifts the right thing to do; It transformed his village.

This is the bigger message in Strong ground: When people experience a sense of belonging, they do not merely shape themselves according to the culture as it is; They help her develop to her full potential. In a time of fear and rapid change across government and beyond, this is the strong ground our workplaces need.

Find more on my Substack, Slow mindfulness