The space you left behind.. There is a space in my heart that will… | Written by Leah MacDonald | November 2025

There is a space in my heart that will never be filled, it will always belong to you.

All I wanted was to be the person I chose. But maybe because I was always there, I was never looked at that way. Your family and friends are always in the first place, and you become a familiar thing, a comfort, a comfort. However, I loved every part of you with everything I had.

As the years went by, I slowly lost parts of myself trying so hard to be enough, to feel chosen, to be loved the way I loved you. I know I made mistakes, and I carry them with me every day. Nothing I say can change what happened. The truth is, I don’t really know how to live with the weight of it all.

Neither of us was perfect, but together we were something rare and beautiful. You were my soul mate.

You didn’t deserve the pain I caused you, and I didn’t deserve some of the pain I endured either. But despite all that, I still think of you every day. I cry when memories appear out of nowhere, when old photos appear, when something reminds me of how deeply connected we once were.

Thirteen years, almost half my life, and now I’m learning to live without you.

You were my best friend. You were the one who told him everything. Even now, there are still many times I want to pick up the phone and call you. But that wouldn’t be fair, I’ve moved on.

Although my side of the bed wasn’t cold yet, six weeks was all it would take for someone else to take my place. And yes, this will always hurt. But I can’t blame you for finding comfort elsewhere. In a way, it confirmed something I’d quietly known all along, that maybe you didn’t love me the way I loved you. Because if I had, moving forward wouldn’t have been so easy.

What was most difficult was the consequences, the way I was misunderstood, judged, and painted as the villain. People who have no idea what really happened feel entitled to tell a story they were never a part of. And while no one is perfect, no one deserves what I’ve had to endure over the past eighteen months. I will not allow the devil to walk in my shoes for a single day.

But don’t get me wrong, you don’t deserve the pain I caused you either. No one does, no matter what they did or didn’t do.

Letting you go was the hardest thing I’ve ever done. I didn’t do it because I stopped loving you, I did it because I loved you so deeply that I wanted you to become the man I always thought you could be, even if it meant you had to do it without me.

It was never a rejection. It was the most selfless love I had left to give.

And I hope you find peace over time, even if it means hating me so you never have to endure this pain. If this is what helps you heal, I will carry the burden. Because all I wanted was for you to be happy…even if your happiness wasn’t with me.