Sadness and mysterious loss during separation

I was waiting in the queue to enter the church to the funeral. I could not believe that he had one … Church’s funeral? The only times that I remembered by going were Christmas or Easter, but whatever – I ignored it. Why did I have these ideas at a time like this? Why does it matter when he went to the church? It was it the one who arranged it anyway …

Then, suddenly, a click on my shoulder.

A man standing beside the door like a kind of Christian guard said: “You are not allowed to enter here.”

“What do you mean?” I asked, a shock written all over my face. Maybe I was supposed to wander around, in a type of family department? Yes, this will be more logical.

“His wife does not allow you to enter.”

“But … this is my father,” I said, my voice is rising. I noticed that the security man did not escape the funeral to my father.

“He died. I cannot go to his funeral?”

People began to stare. Part of me did not care. My father died, and I was told that I was not allowed to be sad. Frozen stood up as long relatives, faces that I have not seen since then childhoodI presented the past for me on the sanctuary. They were welcome, but not his only daughter. A second cousin cried publicly, retreated in her eyes with tissues, and felt an immediate increase in irritation. How do you dare to be sad loudly, freely, when I was not allowed inside?

Suddenly, I am awake. It was just a dream.

You thought that waking up would lead to relief, but he did not. Because this type of dream is one often I have – one of my clients also shares them.

Invisible pain from the mysterious loss

The mysterious loss is a feeling of loss when a person is physically alive but is absent from the relationship, and it is a kind of loss often not recognized in our culture, which makes him painful and especially isolated¹. One of the parents who abandoned you, or separated with someone alive but not available, creates this type of sadness This does not fit precisely with our cultural rituals about loss and sadness.

This is not a death, as it represents rituals, Casseroles, sympathy cards, souvenirs loss and allowing others to recognize them. Perhaps more importantly, these rituals create an area where the survivors are allowed, even expected, to feel sad for a period of time. For sadness. to Mourning. and It can be seen in this mourning.

Instead, with someone who is still alive, there is no clear line between “they are here” and “they have gone.” Instead, the survivors in a gray area are left of uncertainty, where they carry a form of sadness, although (if not more) painful, has no outlet or official confession. This mystery “freezes” the sadness process, ²This makes it difficult to go forward or find any peace. Instead of moving through the stages of sadness, they often return again and again to the error that occurred, in an attempt to understand the loss that they feel impossible to sad.

My husband’s wife’s dream reflects his entry to my father’s mysterious loss, which I carry with me daily. In a dream, it was prevented from rituals that should provide a closure, surrounded by distant relatives who welcome him while Turkey abroad. for me subliminal He treats this mysterious loss by organizing exclusion scenarios, which shows how she often felt out of his life, even when others were welcomed. Entry has been refused literally; In this refusal, He denied the opportunity.

dreams It is often like symbolic expressions of mysterious loss³. This feeling of exclusion reflects the living experience of pieces of a parent before his death for a long time. Dreams like this often when sadness does not have any outlet and when the brain and spirit fight to understand what is going on. This form of loss remains in the subconscious: it remains with we.

Health verification can help recover

If you are struggling to understand this type of loss, it is important to remember that your sadness is real. It is not less healthy, and it is not worth acknowledging. Naming experience like Mysterious loss Some survivors can help in something that they struggle to get to know. This is an important step towards the self -sympathy we need for the sadness we carry.

If you are struggling with sadness or loss, the processor can help.

To find a processor near you, please visit Today’s psychology guide.