My grandmother and nervous nation inherited

My grandmother was born in 1939, at the edge of World War II, when Korea was still occupied by Japan. I grew up with the fighter planes that fly over the Korean countryside, without any ongoing water or electricity. Ha childhood It was characterized by wars, colonial and fixed Fearful. Concepts such as “identityAnd “belonging” was strange to it, as the country lasted.

At only 19 years old, she married my grandfather, who met her on her wedding day. Soon after, she gave birth to her first child, who was fortunately a son. After that, my mother came. Inside the womb of my grandmother, with my mother’s growth, my first effects and DNA started forming it.

My grandmother was our mother. My grandfather AlcoholMy grandmother worked as strange jobs and raising six children, with the help of her son -in -law and my mother, the eldest daughter. The family eventually provided enough money to move to Seoul for more opportunities for children.

My mother left her behind, in the country house, because someone had to take care of my scoops. My mom continued to live there, in a house without electricity or plumbing. Her work was consisted of cutting firewood to heat Oondol floors in the winter, helping her grandmother to cook, and cares about her younger sister, who carried her on her back to and from school every day.

My mother and grandmother’s regimes adapted to endless strains and the challenges of life at that time. They were often in the position of the trip, where they fly from one mission to another, and they wandered their duties for their families, putting the needs of the family first, and suppressing any negative feelings such as sadness, and learning to ignore the abandonment. They lived in a parental world where submission was not only the rule, but also necessary to survive. They learned freezing and misleading when men exceeded border. They have learned to avoid conflict and maintain peace in order to stay. After that, all these shock responses were transferred, because before it was born.

In the best -selling Mark Wallen’s book, He didn’t start with youHe writes:

The shock memories are printed in sperm and eggs “our parents and grandparents”. Feelings and feelings of shock – specifically pressure Response, method Genes Express – can be transferred to children and grandchildren, which affects them in a similar way, although they have not personally suffered from shock. As a result, we can be born with variable brains that define us biological to deal with it Shock That is similar to those who suffered from our fathers and grandparents

I always felt to communicate with my mother grandmother Nervous system. For me, it was always a safe house, a soothing presence, and my stability. My grandmother is also patience and easy boring– Something you always resonated. These days, she is not mobile and spends most of her days on the sofa, but she is still, and she ventures to a large position every day so that she can play paper with her friends.

My mother Addicted. She is a breadwinner for our family, and it seems that she spent most of her life. She behaves like her and she cannot wait for retirement. But the truth is that it will be lost without work. This is what its nervous system uses – a bonus and is useful. She is the ideal Christian wife. This is what her body knows. Get my hope addict and please people from my mother. She taught me this is how to stay in this world.

Except now after I was older, I find myself wanting to do something different. I don’t want to live in this stress response cycle. I don’t want to continue flying. I do not want this to myself or for any future children.

I was used to being on the plane, and being a producer, and I have a million to do so that I didn’t know that there are other ways to live. You can take things slowly and be in quiet stillness. I do not want to put this journey position that is rewarded in this capitalist world. I want to be fine with nothing. I want to rest when I need it and say “no” when I want it.

Thus these days, I am working on a friendship with the nervous system. I am so Grateful My body to maintain my safety throughout these years. I am now working with my body, using the physical experience to build greater capabilities for unfamiliar sensations, and sometimes unpleasant that my reaction is to ignore it. Instead of running to the next task to avoid an useless feeling, I learned to sit in discomfort.

I am sad for my younger breath, my mother, and my grandmother, who adapted her nervous systems to help protect them from shame Not to be useful. I allow myself to feel all heavy feelings – including sadness and Anger. Once I leave these feelings work from my way, allow the course to complete them. You do not need to run anymore. I feel that I am re -delivering myself – not only in my mind, but in my heart and soul – and the little girl in me is very happy with this opportunity to live in the life she always wanted, full of curiosity and wonder.