Life is two-way

I try to survive, when pain goes hand in hand, not because I’m stupid but I’m fighting for this so-called mother’s heaven.

A house that is said to be a place to come home to, a place where I put all my feelings without fear, doesn’t feel like home. Is it worth calling it a home if it is full of noise, not quiet, not even safe?

It’s about Qia, a 24-year-old girl who lives in two different houses, if many people say a house full of love, maybe not for Qia. Qia’s house is full of anxiety, excitement, and even emotion.

Like this morning, Qia was ready to start this morning’s activities but before she entered, the house was already noisy. I heard Qia: “You can buy your own food, you should think about it too, your father has nothing to do with this family,” the mother complained at the back of the house, specifically in the kitchen, as she poured water into the dishwasher.
“Well, if I had money to change, I’d be the one to buy you the side dishes, I really don’t have any,” he said as he arranged some carefully wrapped rice and plastic-wrapped side dishes.
The mother was silent, but the sound of pots and pans did not stop.
It didn’t stop there, when Qia was ready to get on her motorcycle, a voice from next to Qia was clearly heard, “Your father is lying there, and you are still taking care of him, let it all be because of his actions all this time, that karma,” the old woman said with wide eyes, yes, that was Grandma Qia.
Chia did not pay attention to his words, hurried to warm up the motorcycle and drove away from home.

With a heavy heart, Xia forced herself to accept her family’s talk as normal despite the number of tears Xia was accustomed to.

Every day I still see her body, I still hold her soft hands, even I can see her smile clearly but not her memories and her world.
It really hurts but I still struggle in my life to stay together even though the world is not on my side.
I still talk a lot about beautiful memories, hoping that he will respond and remember the beautiful happiness of the past, even though the wounds are really heavy. Everything seems to come together when I remember beautiful memories from a place where the wound made him unable to control himself. I felt sorry, but through rebellion I was afraid, but with full awareness I could still break it and not continue.
If I told you about my first home earlier, this time I’m talking about my second home.

It’s like no one wants to live this way, but I still hope that the goodness of God that I always cling to will happen in this path of my life.