I used to drink to calm my anxiety, and here’s what I wish I knew

As the cold beer ran down my throat, my self-conscious thoughts began to lose their sharpness. The conversation started flowing, and He laughed It just got easier.

The first time I discovered the magic of alcohol, the social lubricant, was at a high school party. The music was loud, and I was worried. A friend gave me a beer and told me it would help me relax. And I did. Since then, I have learned to turn to alcohol for a short period trust Reinforce every time discomfort Social anxiety rises.

Why does alcohol seem like a quick fix for social anxiety?

I’m not the first to discover the “confidence-boosting” effect of alcohol. Fermented juice has long been thought to be a social lubricant for a reason. Act as a central hub Nervous system Depression, alcohol temporarily relieves anxiety By slowing brain activity, promoting the release of GABA to stimulate calming effects, and blocking glutamate to reduce inhibition.

Quite simply, the depressing effect of alcohol calms the nerves and makes socializing seem smoother in the moment. However, it comes with a catch. Alcohol assistance often comes with fine print hidden in its cost.

The hidden cost of the ‘anxiety-reducing’ effect of alcohol

Like high-interest debt, alcohol offers us immediate reward with delayed interest. When it comes to the “anxiety alleviation” effect, delayed attention is an intensified anxiety cycle over time.

Using alcohol to deal with anxiety is essentially a form of avoidance. Mental numbing allows us to avoid confronting what scares us. And while the anxious thoughts magically dissipate, we’re left with the unfortunate confirmation that whatever we just avoided — making small talk with a colleague — is actually dangerous.

In cognitive behavioral therapy, avoidance behaviors are called “anxiety fuel,” because they deprive a person of the opportunity to sit through their lives. He is afraid And discovered that they are actually safe. (Yes, 99% of our anxiety, although catastrophic, is actually survivable.)

Without these opportunities, anxiety continues to spread. When faced with a similar situation, the internal alarm system shouts the word “danger” louder. In other words, avoidance behaviors help create fertile ground for anxiety to continue and grow.

From confidence booster to crutch: The social anxiety drinking episode

For this reason, although alcohol seemed like the perfect solution to social anxiety at first, over time, one may find that they become more and more dependent on alcohol. Towards the end of my drinking Professional lifeI found myself heading to the bar first thing when I arrived at a party, barely saying hello to my friends. Sometimes, I’ll have a drink or two before leaving the house, just to “chill out” beforehand.

I call this a social anxiety drinking episode. When the need to relieve anxiety combines with the belief that alcohol can help calm the nerves, and drinking becomes the default way of coping, the person becomes trapped in the limiting belief that “I need a drink to survive this social event.”

The 10-Minute Rule: A Practical Tool for Alcohol-Free Socializing

The only real way to overcome anxiety is to face what one fears. Anxiety is fueled by the expectation that something unbearable will happen. In our minds, we fear that if we stay, the anxiety will continue to escalate until it hits the ceiling, and then comes the irresistible urge to do anything to avoid what is about to happen.

But the truth is that while peak anxiety may be high, it’s also a slim little thing. Once we get to the top, it doesn’t keep going up. Instead, it goes to the top and quickly begins to fall. In fact, most peaks last about 10 seconds to a minute. The best thing is that once you cross the peak, every time you encounter a similar situation in the future, the peak will become lower and lower.

That’s why I love the 10-minute rule. Make small talk with your coworker for 10 minutes, talking about last night’s game or your weekend plan. Setting a time limit helps calm the anxious anticipation of “this will last forever.” Although those first minutes can be life-threatening, I have never heard of anyone dying from making small talk. The 10-minute rule gives your brain a chance to discover that what you fear is actually a false alarm, and the alarm may begin to decrease in volume and shorten its duration.

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