How to keep your friendships when you stop going to the bars

If you have exceeded the drinking scene, but your friends did not do it – this is suitable for you.

“I want to stay friends … but I don’t want to continue to go to the bars.”

This is one of the common struggle of the previous two drinks when they decided to leave alcohol behind. How do you honor your way without losing the people you care about? This is what we will cover in this blog.

When you stop drinking – but you still want to call

Before we get to the practical part, I want to tell you about a quick story about “No” one who learned that it learned that it is acceptable to reset expectations.

I grew up, my entire family spent the Spring Festival at the home of the aunt Shaw. She made the best festival dishes, and her home was always completely decorated. The tradition of the family was as long as I could remember.

Then, it reached the year of the aunt Shaw 50, surprised everyone. Three months before the holiday, I sent a message to all family members:

“I liked to host everyone in the past. But to go forward, I want to give priority for more time with my family during holidays. I will rest from hosting – but I like to bring everyone’s favorite fish on steam.”

Of course, people were surprised. But what remained with me was not the surprise – the respect I felt was. She was the first woman to show me that we are allowed to say no for something, even if we always say yes in the past. The same applies when we stop drinking, but we still want to contact.

Reorting the call: Saying no to the bars without saying no to friends

Honoring your new way without losing the people you care about is essentially a saying no to the old expectations. It is easy to confuse the activity we do with someone for the same relationship. It is very intertwined, and sometimes we forget that the decrease in old activity is not the same as a person’s rejection. Only when we separate the activity from the relationship, we can find courage and mercy to communicate our new needs – and then, all we need is the right tools.

The 3 -part formula for wearing the tape calls for grace

In my other post, 7 graceful ways to say no to a drink – without saying the word “No, I walked through seven ways to reject the drink – even with the word” no “. The same skills can also be applied to refuse to invite the tape.

Except, I think the most effective way to decrease drinking drinking calls is to combine these three main components:

1. Check the validity of the invitation and/or the relationship.
2. Set new expectations with a soft number.
3. Make a substitute with “I can’t do this, but I love …”

This is the fine formula that a aunt uses when it gently refused to continue to host the family during the holidays:

• Verify the validity of the invitation and/or the relationship: “I liked to host everyone in the past.”
• Select new expectations with a soft number: “But to go forward, I want to give priority for more time with my family during holidays.”
• Serve a substitute: “I will rest from hosting, but I would like to bring steamed fish.”

To apply the same formula to reduce the drinking invitation, it can look:

“I enjoyed a lot in the past to drink together. But to go forward, I want to spend more time in non -drinking activities. I will take a break from bars and events that involve a lot of alcohol, but I like to spend time together to walk for long distances, a picnic or a calm drop in my place at some point. Let me know what time is your right time for you.”

Leading the role model: the unexpected power “no”

Many people do not realize that possessing courage and skill to say no safeness is its own form command. Like my aunt, “No” years ago – I planted permission in me one day doing the same.

I was surprised by the number of times that people told me that my decision to say no for something that inspired them to do the same in their lives. This often happens more than you think, especially with drinking activities.

In a culture in which alcohol is glorified, many people feel quietly pressing “drinking like anyone else”, even when drinking is not actually how they prefer to spend their free time.

By giving yourself permission to say no, you give others unconsciously permission to do the same. This makes you a true model of life.

Say “no” for a prosperous alcohol -free life

In the curiosity of the sober, we believe that liberation is truly from the grip of alcohol-and a prosperous alcohol-free life-it acquires more than just “stopping drinking.” It takes four columns to create a sustainable sobriety:

• One column – value: Your homes is behind the choice of sobriety
• Two column – belief: The story that you were told about alcohol and yourself
• Three column – work: Break the drinking pattern and replace alcohol with more empowerment options
• Four column – result: Embrace the full journey – both of them win and relapses

A saying not with grace is a major skill that belongs to the work column and supports the value column. We ask us to develop the ability to say no and reset expectations. As with any new skill, we may stumble and feel uncomfortable at first, but over time, we improve.

Only when we learn to reject what no longer corresponds to the life we want, you can provide space for what he does – people, experiences and values that bring us a real investigation and meaning. If you want to explore this more, check my country 7 graceful ways to say no to a drink Text programs.