How the family shock is paternity and motherhood without knowing

My-Linh Le watched her parents exploded on small mistakes. When she forgot her backpack in the first row, her mother kicked her through the room so much that she hit the wall. When her sister spoiled dinner, her father threw the dishes. The house remained full of unpredictable anger He left this awake at night, worried about what you might do the next day.

As a child, I thought that all Vietnamese families had acted this way. But years later, during a phone call with her boyfriend, when he did nothing she expected, “suddenly came out suddenly from anywhere.” She wanted to throw the phone across the room. “This was a really frustrated moment to realize that I am just like my mother,” she said.

Her parents faced deep losses. Her first father and her son drowned when their boat sank in an attempt to reach America. Her mother left a daughter behind her in Vietnam, very afraid that kicking and screaming would mean that their escape will discover. These losses – have never been discussed, barely recognized – formed the emotional scene of the family and its effects were transferred to the next generation.

The Le Le story shows us something decisive: not only the shock affects the people who test it directly. It can be crowned through generations, and appears in unexpected ways in children and grandchildren who have never tested the original events.

What is the shock between generations

Most of us think about shock among generations in simple phrases. Parents have suffered from a type of shock – perhaps ill -treatment or neglect – then their child has similar experiences. But the licensed clinical psychologist Dr. Rebecca Babakok Venersi explains that The definition deepens much.

The trauma between generations also includes increasing the risk of children to try the consequences of this shock. This includes yet-shock Stress disorder, mood disorders, behavioral problems, and disruption attached.

Dr. Venersi gives this example: “A child who survived parents in physical assault grows up It may be in danger If this child also suffers from physical abuse. But the child may also be at increased risk of mood disorders, behavior problems or disruption, changing cortisol or stress response system. “

This means The shock transmission can occur Even when the specific painful events are not repeated. The effects of shock – changing stress responses, emotional patterns, and relationship difficulties – can be transmitted to the next generation.

Why people interact differently with shock

I was surprised by learning How much people can interact differently To the painful conditions. Studies on the survivors of the Holocaust and the children of the veterans of the Vietnam war are suddenly showed. Even inside these groups, the effects were completely different for different people. Some people have really horrific events and continue to lead the lives that have been fulfilled. Others see what we may think of as less fragile events, but they are strongly affected by them.

Dr. Venersi explains the reason for this using Installation form. This indicates that we have Genes and Stagnant Events work together to form what is happening to us. The severity and chronic shock are also important. As she put it: “The more chronic or severe shock, such as the Holocaust, is exceptionally severe, exceptionally chronic, the greater the possibility that the trauma has an effect on a large percentage of the population who endured it.”

Even siblings who grew up in the same family and share half of their genes can have very different results.

How the brain treats trauma

Understanding how the trauma in the brain works to explain the reason for its effect on us and our children for years. Brain Treats the shock differently Of regular memories.

When we find a shock event, Our fighting or flying response begins with. Our bodies immerse the pressure Hormones. When this happens too much, especially with family shock, it can cause two things. We may have very live memories that continue to return. Or we may completely forget the shock.

During the painful events, the lofty system in our brain works greatly to maintain our safety. But the frontal lobe – which helps us think clearly and understand things – closes. This is the part of the brain that helps us organize our memories and understand what happened to us.

This survival mechanism becomes a problem when the shock is not discussed. When the shock is not talked about, the survivor is never able to address and understand events.

The maximum communication that causes problems

Families deal with shock in completely different ways. Some do not talk about it at all. Others talk about it all the time. Both rhives can cause problems.

The danger of complete silence

Almost many Japanese Americans They did not mention their experiences in the detention camps During World War II. Leave this permanent effects on their children. When we are shocked by something, it affects us in several different ways. If we never understand what happened, these effects continue to play in our daily relationships and experiences.

The problem of continuous reformulation

Unlike stories, a family story shows what happens when the shock is too discussed. One of the grandfather was so bad that he lined up his wife and children at a threat of weapons one day, and he planned to kill them all before he killed himself. Only when the mother came out of the bathroom and shouted to stop, he dropped the gun, allowing the grandmother to infiltrate all the children from the house that night.

The four older girls developed different addicted Issues throughout their lives. But something else was happening: “Every time they gathered as a family, they reformulate all their memories of abuse with completely wonderful details.”

Despite this ongoing discussion, I found a granddaughter who grew up in a love house otherwise very afraid and could not understand the reason.

This continuous narration can create an unpaid shock. When we hear about a painful event that a person we love suffers from, it can also make us annoying.

Final ideas

Understanding the shock between generations helps us Parents and motherhood The struggles may not be personal failures. They may be the result of the shock that occurred before we were born. This knowledge can be both realistic and imams – realistic because the trauma effects reach further than we imagined, but hope because understanding gives us the ability to make different options.

In the next post in this series, we will explore how the shock between generations specifically appears in paternity and motherhood – from the way we respond to the great emotions of our children to the patterns that we repeat without realizing. Breaking these courses requires more than just an attempt that is difficult to be better parents.