Helping to strengthen young people to separate disgrace from identity

For children in CustodySafety is only part of healing. Many carry an invisible burden shame This comes from separation from their original families. Unlike GuiltWho says “I have done something bad,” Whispers of shame “I am bad. “ Over time, this whispered weave identitySo that it appears that a mistake is like proving the lack of value instead of the opportunity to learn.

the chapter shock The nursery young people are particularly exposed to dumping the internal blame for the circumstances outside their will. Many come to believe that they were removed because they were unpleasant, not worthy or defective. They believe that this is their mistake, and because children are Mannani, they believe they are responsible for the separation of their families. This poisonous narration is crucified to harsh Internal voice To ruin relationships and learning and Self -respect.

A child with whom I worked with shame. Here is his story and treatment approach.

TJ, an 8 -year -old African boy, had already lived in nine positions before arriving at his current home. Every night, his foster father tried to help home duties, just to meet tears and anger For example, the noise of his head on the wall and shouting outwardly. TJ will tear working papers and scream: “I’m stupid! I’m stupid! I’m stupid.”

His custody father reassured him, and he is doing his best, “You are not stupidBut whenever he denies the feelings of shame, the more TJ ideas that are compatible with them will escalate.

From the outside, this response looked sympathetic. But therapeutically, unintentionally rejected the reality of TJ. Karl Young was also written, “What we resist, still exists, ” In this case, the resistance has become stronger. Freud He emphasized that the pent -up feelings will appear until they are treated. TJ’s struggle shows how shame, which he left, is not announced, becomes an identity instead of mere Passion.

TJ did not simply say he made a mistake. His belief was “the error.” The feelings of shame and his feelings are integrated into one painful identity, which is split as one. He could not separate his sense of his behavior.

To break this course, I presented the Shamewich technology, which I developed from my book Youth Tools Fund made of shock and risk. It is based on the narration to treat and researchIt provides a fun but strong way to separate self -shame with the invitation of caregivers to check feelings without collusion with them.

Shamiic enter

Age range: 7-17+

Objective: Helping children and adolescents to realize shame as a voice, not identity, and learn how to enhance self -sympathy.

Materials: Shamiic worksheet, coloring utensils, stickers, and building paper.

Step 1. Normalization of shame

Explain that many children are in Custody He feels that their mistake cannot live with their families. He explained that while errors occur, they are never wrong.

Step 2. Shamiic Building (Hamerger)

The bottom cake is the best friend of a friend: supportive data like “Everyone makes mistakes”, “You are loved,” You belong. “

The installation is the sound of shame: harsh inner words like “I am broken, “” No one loves me “,” I am stupid. “

The upper cake is the best friend’s voice again: the sympathy of the layers again “You are still learning,” “It’s okay to make mistakes.”

Step 3.

The “installation” row as sticky and chaotic ideas through previous experiences. They can spill, but the cakes of sympathy hold on to the sandwich together, to remind the child that he is complete and good at his heart.

Step 4. Decorate Al -Shami

Call creativityColors, stickers and graphics. This helps the child to take their healing tool ownership.

Step 5. Operation and thinking

Ask:“How did you feel that you would write down your shame?”
“What does the voice of your best friend say again?”
“How can you remind yourself of these supportive messages?”

Step 6. Merging self -sympathy

Encourage the child to keep Shamiic visual as a reminder: “I made a mistake, but I am not a mistake. I haven’t learned it yet!”

Shamewich Youth gives a tangible tool to separate disgrace. By verifying the validity of the sound of shame while providing an alternative narration of sympathy, care providers and pediatricians help to feel vision and support.

For TJ, when his incubator father started saying, “I hear that you are stupid at the present time, and it should be very difficult. Making mistakes does not mean that you are wrong. What will the voice of your best friend say?” Home duty time has been diverted. For the first time, TJ can imagine itself more than the shame he carried.

Young people need more than safe homes. They need mirrors that reflect their value and dignity Steadfastness. This creative intervention enables young people to dismantle faith in the toxic, developing self -floor, and opening the door to flexibility and recovery. When children can say, “I made a mistake, but I am not a mistake.” It falls into self -sympathy, recovery and growth.