Do you water your relationship or overwhelm it?

There is a quiet legend that inherited many of us, which is going this way: right Intimacy It means sharing everything with each other, all the time and in real time. We were told to block risk, sensitivity, and even manipulation. While there is some truth about this (depending on the context and content), the full image is more accurate.

But … is it not supposed to share everything? Not real. I often invite my client to imagine their relationship as a garden; We all agree that the garden needs watering to flourish. But what happens when we watered too much, or without realizing what plants can carry?

The truth is that it is not all that we think needs to speak. Not every feeling is ready to participate. Not every moment requires oral emptying. In fact, dumping your partner using a continuous current of unarmed ideas or raw feelings can sometimes lead to emotional fatigue or withdrawal, especially when participation is not mutual or purposeful.

Cultural context and communications patterns

One of the most common dynamics I see (especially in relationships between cultures but can occur in any relationship, at home or even at work) that includes an inconsistency in communications patterns. This is more clear when one partner comes than we call Low context Culture in social psychology, where the meaning is transmitted primarily through words. In these cultures, speaking publicly and directly is related to honesty, independence, respect and clarity. The more we say, the more clear we are and the more we care.

The other partner may come from a High context Culture where a lot of meaning lives in a non -paid. The non -verbal sermon, tone, timing, and relying on joint understanding carries more weight. Speaking to a lesser degree is not about killing, but about confidence that what is necessary will feel and understand it without spelling it at all times.

Treatment patterns

Another common scenario is when someone talks about thinking and the other thinks about speaking. In other words, one is an external processor and the other is more than an internal processor.

When any of these two worlds meets in a relationship, misunderstanding can arise. The specifications of the low context or the external therapist may feel negligent or closed. Higher communication may feel the context or internal processor of floods, fatigue, or emotional movement.

One partner may think, “You never tell me what you feel.”
While the other thinks, “You are constantly talking about my face and I cannot breathe.” “Why do you need to clarify everything?”

No mistake. They simply speak different relationship dialects. I am sure you are thinking that somewhere between them will be a good place. Now, the question is how.

This is not difficult, but you must first change your belief that everything needs to be talking about and it must be with your partner (there are many other people who can keep the space and processing with you) and secondly, developing some skills.

Here are some questions to ask yourself before sharing something with your partner next time you revolve around or pick up your phone to call or send a text message: