Distinguishing between BDSM and intimate partner violence

Intimate partner violence (IPV) is non-consensual abuse between or among significant others, especially romantic partners. The Centers for Disease Control identifies intimate partner violence as an important public health problem that occurs across all ages, genders, and ethnicities. sexual Orientations, gender, regions and social classes. In fact, it is a global problem.

IPV can include physical and/or Sexual violence, StalkingAnd/or psychological aggression. The most common expressions are situational marital violence and intimate partner terrorism. Situational violence tends to occur when stress reaches uncomfortably high levels and is often accompanied by mood changes. For example, people who are completely He stressed They may get drunk or high and attack each other. In general, there is no plan behind the attack, and the violence may be against another or mutual. Researchers know about spousal violence primarily through family studies that ask about interactions. In contrast, intimate partner terrorism is usually more calculated, calculated, and deliberate. Intimate partner terrorists control every aspect of their partners through force and violence He is afraid This is done by isolating them from their friends and family, preventing their financial independence, and threatening to harm the beings closest to them (children, Petsparents and friends). Researchers know of intimate partner terrorism from people (almost all women) who flee to seek shelter in removed facilities.

BDSM, on the other hand, is a series of interactions that revolve around energy exchange, role-playing, and intense sensations. An acronym that I’ve explained in other posts on this blog, which is BDSM bondage Discipline (B/D), Dominance and Submission (D/s), and Sadism and Masochism (S/M). Some practitioners call it kinky sex, an umbrella category that covers adventurous sexual interactions that involve a wide range of activities such as hooking up with people, beating/whip/whip them, control people, submit to being told what to do, pretend to be other people or beings, subjugate each other or submit to intense physical and emotional sensations.

Both BDSM and IPV may involve some of the same interactions, such as slapping and screaming. humiliationCrying and expressing pain. However, there are significant differences that strongly distinguish the two that occur before, during, and after interactions.

before

The purpose of the interactions determines the content of the activities before things even begin. In IPV, the intent is either to relieve stress (with situational couple violence) or to control the partner through violence and manipulation (as with intimate partner terrorism). In BDSM, the intent is to please, arouse, and/or arouse – in other words, to play.

More important than intention is the negotiation that occurs before interactions, which determines consent or lack thereof. Ideally, kinky interactions and BDSM include what the National Coalition for Sexual Freedom calls BDSM Express and prior permission. This means that people having kinky sex (should) always negotiate exactly what will and won’t happen during their play sessions, who’s allowed to do what, and how to stop it if someone’s not having a good time. IPV, on the other hand, is not negotiated and therefore not consensual. Rather, it is usually either a chaotic interaction that occurs without any prior discussion, or a planned manipulation in which one person violently seizes control from another, who does not give it willingly.

during

BDSM and IPV are also noticeably different from each other as the interactions occur. In IPV, the victim did not consent to the violent attacks and therefore cannot modify or stop them. However, people engaging in kinky sex should (ideally) establish a safe word before engaging in play which they can use to stop interactions if they do not enjoy it. This consensual shared control, combined with the intent to pleasure, distinguishes kinky sex/BDSM from IPV which is not consensual and aims to harm or control.

Since kinky sex is meant to be fun and playful, what happens during an interaction is very different from what happens during intimate partner violence — even if they look similar on the surface. The top or dominant is (or at least should be) completely attuned to the experience of the submissive or bottom during a kinky sex scene, making sure the action stays within border It is set before the scene starts. Even if the submissive or bottom doesn’t deploy the safe word to stop the scene, the top or dominant may still slow down, check, and adjust their actions if they feel their submissive is in a state of unpleasurable discomfort. In sharp contrast, the perpetrator in intimate partner violence is not concerned with his partner’s well-being or enjoyment, and in fact generally focuses on his own experience of taking out frustration and/or control over a less powerful person. Abusers usually do not care about mitigating how their actions affect their victims.

after

People who are skilled at kinky sex often negotiate Aftercarewhich is a way to reconnect and communicate with each other once you are done playing. Aftercare usually involves partners getting out of the roles they were playing during the scene, perhaps getting dressed, perhaps having a drink or snack, and most importantly talking about how the scene went. Enjoying the afterglow together provides an opportunity to reconnect on a personal level as well as discuss the pros and cons of their shared interactions to determine what each of them liked and what (if anything) they didn’t like or would prefer to change if they had another scene in the future.

In contrast, intimate partner violence usually ends either with recriminations that place blame on the victim, or with apologies from the abuser and assurances that he will not abuse his victim again. Since the interaction was never consensual in the first place, there is no review of how things went and how the person on the receiving end feels about it or might want to change it in the future.

conclusion

The most important distinction between kinky sex/BDSM and IPV is consent, and everything else stems from this framing concept. Even if the actions appear to be the same on the surface, the intent for pleasure and the players’ ability to stop unwanted interactions fundamentally determines that BDSM/kinky sex is very different from intimate partner violence with the intent to harm and non-consensually control.

As usual, things with humans are complicated, and sometimes what starts as consensual kinky sex can turn into intimate partner violence. This happens if one partner does not allow the other to renegotiate, refuses to respect established boundaries, ignores a safe word, and/or forces their partner to do something they don’t really want to do. Ideally, there’s a stark contrast between IPV and BDSM, but sometimes BDSM can become abusive when sex goes wrong. If you cross this line, BDSM no longer focuses on bottoming pleasure or submission and becomes abusive instead.