Caring for one of the elderly and difficulty at the time of transition

I am the only child for the only child. Although I was a mental health specialist for more than three decades, I spent years mining and emphasizing the deepest feelings of people, I absorb myself with what I feel. So, as I look around my 83 -year -old mother’s house, I forced myself to answer this question. How do you feel Fran on your fifty -eighth birthday? Well, it is complicated.

I feel tears and depression. My mom will have long moved to an independent living facility near her home in Sun City, Arizona, but thousands of miles in terms of I live in South Dakota. It refuses to live in such a cold condition, so I try to move in its movement and install medical problems while traveling between the states. I watch its mixing very slowly, and it is limited to its walk, across the unforgettable ceramic flooring, and holding my breath. This is a sad transition to life, which had to leave her home for many years, which she shared with my deceased husband.

I feel a little sorry for myself because this specific relationship for the mother’s daughter is still going on my mind and raising Anger Raw was so bad that he was amazing me. And I know that ideas like “every other person have great relationships with their mothers” completely nonsense, but part of me is still eager to a deep connection, and if not the case, approval.

I feel tired. I don’t have a file Brother or sister To help me deal with the fact that every surface of my mother’s house is completely covered with chaos. This reflects my country childhood The house, where the piles and excessive boxes were created in my head and made me anxiety. In some way, we must “reduce the size”, sort and transfer all these things to its new younger apartment. However, we must review each element, an article of paper, image and newspaper together. I must supervise that I am not ignoring something important. All elements should be wiped out of all sides, and then placed on a specific shelf facing the right direction – more than that.

I feel frustrated. I am a fast -moving person, active and patience. I am multi -task like ninja. This is a snail process, and it seems that the time is still. Since my mother has accidentally emptied one of her hearing tools, I am forced to repeat everything several times at the top of my lung. “Speak out loud and slowly,” she insists again and again. I must be cooled because patience with my mother is not my strong allowance. This leads me to a feeling Fearful. I realize that this is my future. We are all headed in this frightening direction to lose our independence. How will my children deal with me when I fail?

I feel embarrassed by my mother’s behavior and I often want to disappear. My mother treats servers as I was born to please her everything. “I want a warm beer. Place three bottles in a bucket of very hot water and put the bucket next to me under the table.” I can’t make this. Once, when we were in Mexico, where my mother had a second house, it made me carry a cooler in the restaurant. Since my mother could be very charming, remember the names of people and make quick friendships, I assumed that she was bringing something to the restaurant owner or an employee who was her friend. I was terrified when I started taking the fruit from its cooler, asking the server to use it to make us a fruit tray. Recently, she has wheel in the “employee only” area in a local restaurant to help herself wipes, silver utensils, etc. The servant asked me what she was doing. “She is working here,”, re -shooting. The irony is my favorite survival skill.

I am also annoyed by its funny lies and theft. She tells people that she is deaf when she refuses to wear her hearing tools, telling people that I am married to a “farm” because it looks more famous than farms, and sliding in its bag of restaurants and hotels. When I was at primary school, we went to Putkelk with her friends in her childhood. My mom lied and said she made a homemade rice pudding, which she picked up in a delicious. One of her close friends has repeatedly asked my mother to share the recipe with her. When the food owner refused to get rid of his family’s recipe, my mother made a batch after a batch, obsessed with its repetition. I walked away from back and forth to the local grocery store, and buying ingredients. After testing the taste for weeks, I finally mastered it. The rice pudding did not make again.

I often feel angry and resentful. It took me years to realize and evaluate my mother unofficially as Obsessive Personal disorder. (Mental health professionals have blind places, especially with regard to their loved ones.) My childhood has fully stumbled and focused on it. When you are a child, if my mother is talking on the phone with her friend and watching General Hospital, I learned very quickly there was no boycott … for hours. Not surprisingly, I thought I was born in General Hospital.

Hyper concentration, hyperactivity, and murderous management were. You are required to act, dress and act in specific ways. It was necessary to put everything at home in a certain way. Although there is a chaos everywhere, everything had a specific place, and my wife and I had to adhere to the rules. The household chores that had to be completed accurately were set, or I would be based. Once, when I ran in a hurry in the backyard because my mother wanted to prevent the dog from predicting the “wrong” area, I ran directly to the doors of the clear courtyard, which knocked me on the ground. My mom ran around the table to help me … to give me a windex print the face that I left on the door of the annihilation.

Thus, to survive, I had to emotional separation from my mother, but I feel guilty because of this. I have to work to feel sympathetic after my life is running out of myself to achieve independence. I feel guilty when I came across the cold and unwanted because this is not a human being. I feel shy that most of what I do feel is mandatory, and the affection feels deceptive and uncomfortable.

It seems that providing care for a person whose entire life focused on full control is hard. However, I can only feel some sympathy for a weak and weak old woman who was now independent, efficient, and financially successful to her level education. You know that the most profound lesson for me is to give up the past resentment, accept it and the past, and search Dental In the lessons learned. Sometimes what should not be done is the lesson with the most part of all.

My mother is not fine today. It falls and I care about it, wash the washing, and clean its refrigerator. My phone makes a sound with birthday texts Facebook The notifications from the extended family and friends. My husband and child called to wish me a happy birthday. Everyone remembers my birthday – everyone but my mother.