When your college student loses a friend to suicide

Your daughter April calls you crying.

“My ex-boyfriend killed himself. My boyfriend who goes to the same college called me to tell me. I knew he was feeling depressed when I broke up with him last month, but he never mentioned wanting to kill himself. He’s been seeing a psychiatrist and said he’s starting to feel better. What if the breakup caused this? I feel like it’s my fault.”

Over the 30 years I have been presenting Psychological Caring for College Students I have seen many students suffer from the loss of a friend to suicide. April’s story is particularly challenging, as the suicide occurred shortly after the breakup.

How often does a college student lose a friend to suicide?

Unfortunately, suicide rates among youth have risen in the past two decades. As of 2023, Suicide rate For people aged 15–24 years it was 13.5/100,000 per year.

On average, 135 People are emotionally affected by a person’s suicide. These 135 may include family, close friends, immediate community, and people who have met this person at some point. The level of influence depends on how close you are to the person.

The emotional impact of a friend’s suicide

After a friend commits suicide, students go through a grieving process, which they may go through as well GuiltAs did April. Sometimes students experience the onset of depression or… anxiety The episode after this event. While people who attempt suicide feel that they are a burden to others, depression It often hides their ability to see how important their presence is in the lives of others and how painful their absence will be. In fact, there are many emotional impacts of this tragic event.

In a college setting, when a student dies by suicide on campus, there is a risk of “contagion,” when suicides increase because the person on the brink of suicide feels more willing to act. Colleges developed Post-invention Plan student support, provide additional counseling services, and inform students how to get help. Even in general society, the suicide of a celebrity can cause a short-term increase Suicide rates.

People closely related to someone who died by suicide may suffer Suicidal ideas. It is very important to get immediate help. Most universities have crisis numbers, and the Suicide and Crisis Lifeline 988 is also a good number to call. Typically, students can meet with a campus counselor if they are in crisis. These students need to work closely with a therapist and perhaps a psychiatrist.

What you can do to help as a parent

Here are steps you can take if you learn that your child has lost a friend or classmate to suicide.

Ask your child how they are doing since the death and if they want to talk about it.
Check in with them more often than you normally would.
Encourage them to talk to a campus or community therapist if they are struggling in any way. There are also support groups your child can join through Suicide Prevention Association.
Be alert to any change in mood or school performance. In my experience, sometimes friends don’t react right away because they may be busy with school. Their sadness may appear later.
If they describe feeling responsible or guilty, remind them that suicide is a complex behavior in response to severe pain. We may never know the reasons for this behavior. In reality, 44 percent Some suicide attempts are spur-of-the-moment decisions.

When I hear my patients’ stories of losing a friend to suicide, I empathize with the patient’s suffering as well as their friend who died. I always hope that those who ended their lives knew that the pain would go away. That most people who Suicide attempt And to survive, do not die by suicide; In other words, they chose to live. That if they have long-term depression, there are new medications and treatments to help. We, as mental health providers and parents, can help our students cope with these tragic events and ensure they check their mental health and are guided by hope during difficult times.

Details have been changed to protect patient privacy.

If you or someone you love is thinking about suicide, get help right away. In the United States, for help 24/7, call 988. For the Suicide and Crisis Lifeline 988, go to 988lifeline.orgor contact the Crisis Text Line by texting 741741. Outside the United States, visit International resource page for suicide hotlines in your country. To find a therapist near you, please visit Handbook of psychotherapy today.