3 reasons why therapists may support family estrangement

Why would a qualified ethical therapist support his client’s decision to move away from his family? Aren’t families sacred relationships that must be preserved at all costs? Not always. In fact, family estrangement can be beneficial for many people to treat.

Here are three common reasons why therapists support family estrangement.

1. Promote safety and agency

Without safety, therapists will have little foundation to fall back on. Clients who are not safe or who feel unsafe in treatment are unlikely to benefit or progress in treatment, even with the most advanced evidence-based treatments. This is why ethical doctors prioritize their responsibility to establish and maintain safety above all else, including the need to prevent or mitigate family distancing.

Safety is impossible without agency. If clients are not allowed to make choices about their own lives, including who has access to them, they feel unsafe and will become unsafe The therapeutic relationship It collapses. Suppose they feel pressured by the therapist to maintain contact with someone against their wishes. In this case, their Nervous system It will likely regress to survival mode, and therapeutic progress will halt or stop altogether.

An ethical therapist may help clients explore options and risks. However, it does not override the client’s autonomy when he does not pose a danger to himself or others. As psychologist Sharon Lamb explains, “If we truly listen to clients and respect their views… by telling them that we know more about their agency in the world than they do… we are doing them an injustice.” If the client chooses to initiate or maintain a family estrangement, that is his or her decision.

When clients choose family estrangement, they are exercising their agency, which supports their feelings of security needed to progress in therapy.

2. Support self-protection

Clients are more likely to progress in therapy when they have access to safe relationships, and family members are not excluded. Secure relationships do not cause sexualmaterial, financial, spiritualOr emotional harm and is based on trust, respect, equality and reciprocity. A safe person who has caused harm in the past will not intentionally cause or contribute to further harm and will take responsibility and make the necessary changes to promote safety in the relationship. Safe relationships are not without conflict, which provides opportunities for growth. However, conflicts in secure relationships tend to be repaired while conflicts in insecure relationships often go unrecognized, unrepaired, and continue to occur.

When family members are unable to provide secure relationships, clients may need to initiate estrangement to protect themselves or others, such as their children or romantic partners. If the therapist restricts the client’s efforts to advocate for himself, he or she may be putting his client at risk for continued abuse. Expecting someone to stay in touch with their hurter does not support treatment; He ruins it.

Family distancing has protected people from ongoing abuse and given them the safety and space to progress through treatment.

3. Recognize and accept beliefs related to family

There is a widespread belief in many cultural groups that people who are genetically related to you have the right to contact you. The phrases “blood is thicker than water,” “family first,” and “family is everything” embody this belief. But what if the therapist’s client does not share this belief? What if they feel no relational obligation to their family?

Some clients refuse Genetic relational rightthe idea that people who share their DNA deserve access to it. They find this idea confusing or outdated. Some clients have embraced the concept of chosen families, which consist of people they choose to be members of their primary support system, such as friends, colleagues, neighbors, community members, and even animals.

The ethical therapist does not impose his or her cultural or personal beliefs about family on his client. Instead, they respect their customers’ values ​​and beliefs.

Supporting family estrangement does not mean fueling conflict or encouraging family isolation; It’s about protecting secure communications wherever they exist. When clients initiate or maintain family estrangement, they do not reject the idea of ​​family; They are redefining it in a way that protects them and supports their mental health. Ethical therapists recognize that healthy relationships are built on safety and strength, not commitment or… Genetics. By respecting the client’s right to choose who is in their life, therapists empower them to build relationships that enhance their healing, rather than sabotage it.